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x4ndra
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read my profile
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Name: alex
Country: Philippines
Birthday: 3/18/1900
Gender: Female
Interests: i love
Expertise: ...im versatile?
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/4/2003
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| absolutely and literally numb with fear. God what have I done? please tell me I didn't just screw up what I invested so much in...I'm barely breathing.....
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| because i slept until 3 yesterday, a welcomed sleep-in after weeks of waking up at the crack of dawn.
sometimes i think i shouldn't write in this because a lot of people think blogging about yourself is stupid, presumably because no body cares about that.
then again, those people probably would never see this.
I love the early morning when hardly anyone is awake and all you can hear is the buzz of appliances and a few birds chirping. even though those sounds are annoying as hell.
to me its better than hearing people. People walking around the house, talking on the phone, dishes clinking, cars speeding down my street, the stupid neighbor kids playing outside.
I love this peacefulness. I feel closer to God. is that weird to say? It puts me in a place in my head that is not comparable to anything else. in a good way.
I think this is the only time of day when I don't feel irritated by anything.
I wish I could go to this place where I'm at right now, any time I want, for as long as I want.
good night.
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| SO
I got a gym membership at 24 hour fitness. I think the one on knott and lincon in in buena park is the closest?? does anyone go there? is it kind of yucky there? they don't have many group classes listed online it makes me wonder...?
my mind is like a little guy running around in a maze all the time, bouncing back and forth between
counseling, doctor, FAFSA, interview, INTERVIEW!, pale skin, solo choreography?!, bushy eyebrows, TERM PAPER, FAFSA, FAFSA, FAFSA, midterms, interview, call that lady tomorrow at 7 AM sharp, gym?, competition, email counselor, study...i think immortal technique is too dramatic...and life.
i should start writing that term paper now it's due tomorrow at two.
hi krystal kim. i love you!
sorry i haven't returned your calls/myspace comment. i don't know why. i'm not screening you i'm just always in a rush and not thinking clearly.
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1. transfer funds to checking asap
2. finish schoolwork
3. make some money
4. work out like crazy
5. get your pale ass tanned
6. finish costumes
7. go to the doctor
8. call the career counselor
9. go to the other doctor
10. go to the psychiatrist
11. get eyebrows done
and i believe that's all.
12. find some adderall.
jk
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| if i dont think too much, then i'm happy. so happy.
i've got everything going for me right now. but...im supposed to be writing a ten page paper that is due tomorrow at 11...i'm on page one, paragraph one.
that is to be expected from me. as is this mind-wandering at a time like this.
when i try to focus on something tedious or boring, i end up doing exactly the opposite.
so at the moment i've got this weird ass feeling that i can't really name.
its sadness and nostalgia and anger and sympathy and yearning and butterflies and jealousy all at the same time...
the same feeling that i get whenever i find out that an ex-attachment of mine is dating someone else. you piece of shit i was supposed to be the last woman you'd ever kiss. jk. well maybe not.
so...is that certifiably crazy biatch status?
if you have thoughts on this, please let me know once and for all. i need a second opinion. | | |
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